Voyagers - Astral Travellers
We looked up legendary American beat poet, science writer, hippy and reformed alcoholic, Bob Cheeseman and coaxed him out of retirement to get us up to date with the recent issues with the voyager one space craft. We immediately regretted it. Unfortunately we had already paid him and his contract forces us to publish this anyway. Always read the small print.
SCIENCE STORIES
Bob Cheeseman. Edited by M Prince.
3/16/20243 min read
Hi there you groovy geeks! Let's take a cosmic joyride through the whimsical tale of our interstellar adventurers—the Voyager spacecraft. Buckle up, fellow stargazers, because this story has more twists than a pretzel in a black hole. Here we go science dudes! (Editor's disclaimer: Girls like science nowadays too. And people who identify as different genders.)
Launch and the "Mariner-Jupiter-Saturn" Odyssey:
Picture it- 1977—the era of disco balls, bell-bottoms, and cosmic dreams. Two plucky spacecraft, Voyager 1 and Voyager 2, strutted their stuff onto the launchpad. Their mission? To crash the ultimate planetary party.
Their original gig: Jupiter and Saturn. They were like the cosmic paparazzi, snapping pics of Saturn's blingy rings and Jupiter's wild moon, Io (which, by the way, has more volcanoes than a teenage heart). (Editor's disclaimer: I am so sorry. Genuinely. No really....)
Interplanetary Wanderlust:
But these voyagers weren't satisfied with just two planets. Oh no! They pulled a cosmic mic drop and swung by Uranus and Neptune too. Uranus was all like, "Hey, I'm the sideways planet," and Neptune whispered, "Hold my icy mojito." (Editor's disclaimer: The speaking bit didn't actually happen, although Bob insists it did. It was the 70's after all.)
Voyager 2 even got a selfie with Neptune's windswept clouds. Talk about interplanetary Instagram goals! #downwiththekids. (Editor's disclaimer: I have no words.)
Legacy and Extraterrestrial Mixtapes:
These spacecraft are our cosmic mixtapes. Their golden records carry Earth's greatest hits - Beethoven, Chuck Berry, and whale songs. Just in case aliens RSVP to the party.
They also include recordings of all our languages and the location of Earth just in case those alien dudes want to invade.
Voyager 1 is now the farthest human-made object from Earth. It's like the universe's favourite road trip buddy, whispering, "Hey, wanna explore infinity together?"
(Editor's disclaimer: Cheeseman by name Cheeseman by nature.)
Interstellar Swag:
Fast-forward to 2012. Voyager 1, the rebel, decided to break free. It punched through the solar system's velvet rope and waltzed into interstellar space. Imagine the Sun as the DJ, and Voyager 1 as the last partygoer on the dance floor. Voyager 2 followed suit in 2018, sashaying into the cosmic VIP lounge. They're now the ultimate space hipsters, sipping cosmic lattes and discussing dark matter.
Communication Tango:
But wait, there's drama! Voyager 1's been playing hard to get. Its communication system glitched, like a cosmic text message lost in translation. The poor thing's been sending gibberish data back to Earth.
Mission control sent a "poke" (yes, like on Facebook) to fix it. Voyager 1's response? "Hang on, Earthlings, I'm recalibrating my cosmic chakras."
Let's hope our old buddy can get back on track and open up those right on chat lines! There is still hope.
So, next time you look up at the stars, raise a cosmic cocktail to the Voyagers. They're out there, grooving to the celestial beat, leaving stardust in their wake.
(Editor's disclaimer: This man should really have stayed retired. We can only apologise on behalf of the science community that we have released this menace onto the world stage again. We can only apologise even further that we accidentally signed him up for another 200 such articles and are legally obliged to publish them)
Always read the small print!
